The Don'ts of Avoiding Suicide

From Night Train, by Martin Amis:

"Don't work around around death. Don't work
around pharmaceuticals.

Don't be an immigrant. Don't be a German, fresh
of the boat.

Don't be Romanian. Don't be Japanese.

Don't live where the sun doesn't shine.

Don't be an adolescent homosexual: One in three
will attempt.

Don't be a nonagerian Los Angelean.

Don't be an alcoholic. It's suicide on the installment plan,
anyway.

Don't be a schizophrenic. Disobey those voices in your head.

Don't be depressed. Lighten up.

And don't be a man. Don't be a man, whatever you do."